‘Ve don’t do bananas’

by thegrocer* via Flickr Creative Commons

Just for once it wasn’t Jeremy Clarkson who irked me the most in this week’s Sunday Times. Instead, it was John Arlidge, with his analysis of who’s who in the new government in the Sunday Times.

The fact that the new Cabinet is a total sausage-fest has been well noted; Arlidge dutifully ran through their career accomplishments and business interests for four fat newsprint columns before finally arriving at a woman he thought was worth describing in any detail.

Was it the new home secretary? Or the ever-delightful SamCam? No. It was Nick Clegg’s press secretary, Lena Pietsch. According to Arlidge, she is:

“an ice-cool blonde German who during the campaign allowed Clegg to munch apples but banned bananas because of the notorious episode when David Miliband… was photographed waving a banana around – and looking like one. ‘Ve don’t do bananas,’ she told Clegg.

There you have it. The only woman worth describing is a cross between a dominatrix, a Bond baddie’s glamourpuss, and an over-protective stage mum.

And now I’m concerned as to where poor Nick Clegg is getting his potassium from.

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